Friday, 27 August 2010

The Spiders Are Coming!

A number of US Army trucks have been stranded at the docks in Antwerp since August 14th. This is because they have been found to be infested with Black Widow spiders.

The Black Widow is unlikely to survive the Belgian climate, according to experts, but this is still alarming news indeed. They say all men have a feminine side to their character, and mine manifests itself in a complete terror of spiders. You can't trust anything that has its skeleton on the outside, as far as I am concerned.

So we are all in agreement. Me, the Yanks, and the dock workers all agree that these little bastards must be ruthlessly exterminated.

There is, however, a problem. A problem that could surely only arise in Belgium. The local authorities want to kill the spiders, but they cannot act until the Health Department produces the documents enabling them to do so. At the time of writing, they have been waiting for 2 weeks.

Waiting for a Belgian government department to produce documents. Hmmmm.... now there is a recurring experience.


  1. I am not comforted by the experts stating that the Black Widow spider will not be able to survive the Belgium climate.

    They survived the cold journey across a freezing cold ocean didn't they. Warm Belgium must feel like paradise to them.

    Anyone who has ever been on a cruise knows that the bowels of a ship are very cold indeed.

    What with the rising of world temperatures I think incidents of this nature are going to steadily increase.

    Have the 'Experts' taken the global rise of temperatures into consideration in their analysis?

    I suspect not.

    At out peril, we must not trust the 'Experts' in these kind of incidents and assume they are correct.

    If we do, then we might have a spread of foreign insects in our lands.

    They could become rampant!


    Cue, Ex, brave, RAF Pilot and Political Scientist trembling in a corner of his office at the European Parliament building, with a book in hand ready to wack any creepy long legged thing dead.

    I already see those long legs of the Black Widow Spider slowly climbing up the Parliament building windows ........

    What floor is your office on Gary?

    Be afraid, be very afraid!.........

  2. You say, I quote, "All men have a feminine side, and this reflects itself in a fear of spiders".

    Excuse me! This lady ain't afraid of any spider!

    On the contrary they are afraid of me!

    Whenever I see a spider I show it no mercy and wack it hard with a shoe.

    Spiders move quickly, so it is important to aim decisively and quickly, pressing the shoe hard against the skeleton.

    The effect of this, is that the spider quickly disintergrates into bits. I am always amazed just how easily this can be done, once I have made my mind up to do it.

    So too, some politicians and political leaders, creeps, that that they are, can be dealt with,removed, one way or other.

    But it has to be done swiftly,without delay, or else these people will have achieved their objective, which is to control people by fear.

    The trouble is, so often politicans procrastinate.

    Achieving a 'consensus',between nations, before taking decisive action is taken, is often just too late.

    I do not support dictatorships, but there is no doubt, if you want to get things done quickly, the authoritarian 'one man/one women' approach does gets things done speedily.

    Lady Margaret Thatcher the Ex British Conservative Prime Minister was not a dictator, but she did dictate!

    She did not pussyfoot around with her political collegues, scaring many a men to near terror.

    It is not without good reason that Russia described Lady Thatcher as "an Iron Lady".

    Can you imagine Lady Margaret Thatcher being intimidated by a spider?

    Not bloudy likely!

    Like me, the spiders would be afraid of her!