My Own Personal Gulag.

I had an hour to kill before a meeting so I took a stroll along Chausee de Wavre in search of a bit of breakfast. This is not easy to find in Brussels, as these guys have no idea of what a real breakfast is.

I dream of sitting down at the Lion's Den cafe, just around the corner from the Den in Bermondsey. I love the bustle, the light-hearted banter, the endless speculation about David Beckham's left foot - and the bacon and eggs go down a treat too.

In Brussels it is different. Stunted men, dressed in mustard coloured suits and sporting strange facial hair, sit silently staring at the wall. There is no banter here. Breakfast consists of various forms of bread, none of which I like. Croissants are, I have to say, ghastly.

Anyway, needing a bite, I bought a pain saucisse. This slightly resembles a sausage roll. It can be eaten cold, which is awful as these things are very greasy. Having it hot means microwaved so that the pastry goes all soggy. Either way, it is not nice. I had one anyway and threw half of it away and wished I were back in the real world.

So next time you sit down to a good fry-up, think of me.

Space, the final Lebensraum

Strasbourg is a city that changes ownership from time to time, and this is reflected in the TV channels available in its hotels. There is a mix of French and German language programmes.

I was delighted last night, whilst sitting in my room ruining my diet with a Chicken Tikka Pizza, to find an old episode of Star Trek dubbed into German.

Spock, in German, is utterly convincing. He is a sinister looking character to say the least, and so the accent suits him. All that is missing is the duelling scar.

My German is even worse than my French, so I have trouble following most of it, but I think they changed the script to suit German tastes. I may have made some errors, but I think it went like this:

Chekov: "Mein Kapitain, I have an unidentified craft on the port beam".

Kirk: "Assume an attacking position now, or I will have you shot".

Spock: "Kapitain, Sulu and Uhura are missing from their posts!"

Kirk: "They are not very well..."

Spock: "Why, what is wrong with them?"

Kirk: "I had them gassed, they are untermensch."

Chekov (swallowing loudly): "Kapitain, my mother may be Russian, but I promise you, my 18 fathers were all German soldiers."

(Image of unidentified craft now looms onto the screen)

Spock: "Achtung, Spitfire!"

Kirk: "We are done for......"

Spock:"Gott in Himmel, why do we Germans always lose?"

Kirk: "That was nothing to do with us Germans, it was the Nazis what done it."

Otis Redding and James Brown, no less....

I noticed a poster yesterday, advertising a show at the Cirque royale on December 18th. It is to be a James Brown / Otis Redding tribute gig. According to the poster they are "Les Rois du Soul". Surely Brown is the Godfather of soul?

Redding, on the other hand - and I am big fan - was more than just a soul singer. I know that aficionados will take offence at this, but I regard soul as being a mere sub-genre of R n B, and I think Redding was a true giant of R n B. He was also a great icon for the Mods, both in the 60s and during their late 70s reincarnation.

What I find really interesting about this poster is that it announced that no less than 10 singers will be performing the songs of the two great men. One of them will be Johnny Logan. That's right, the Irish Eurovision guy.

I know that Irish performers are real pros, but how is this going to work?

Is he going to do Brown, Redding, or both?

On the poster, the picture of Brown is not one of his best - actually he looks like he himself is doing a tribute gig - a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald.

Of course, in an ideal world Logan will black up a la Jolson, but we all know that ain't gonna happen. I saw the Black and White Minstrels once. Not all of them, but a sort of chamber version. They were on the bill with Tommy Cooper, and it was a great show.

I will probably go along on the 18th, partly out of curiosity, although at the moment I am a bit more concerned with getting a ticket to see Wanda Jackson next week. Wanda is not as young as she once was, but I guess none of us are. She still does a great show though.

Energy Diplomacy

Jimmy Carter has been in the parliament this week, but sadly I missed him. I'm told he looks remarkably well.

One person I did not miss was Dr Stanislav Zhinin, a Moscow based expert on energy policy, and on energy diplomacy. He discussed the tree different approaches to energy diplomacy - US policy is driven by the energy companies themselves, the EU approach he described with a wry grin as "conceptual", whilst Russia, he admitted, might be perceived as having a politically led approach.

I was present in 2009 when Gazprom adopted an 'empty chair' approach to negotiations with the EU over the Ukrainian shut-offs. Whilst MEPs, the press corps, and half the Ukrainian government crammed themselves into a meeting room and ranted, Alexy Miller simply didn't show up. The whole thing was brilliantly choreographed by the Russians, and the humiliation of Ukraine was a significant factor in the replacement of the Yukoshenko government with the Kremlin's puppet Yanukovych.

Without a common energy policy, the EU will always lose out to the Russians. But this needs to be not an EU common policy, but one based on international treaty, and which includes states such as Ukraine, Georgia, and Turkey. This would have the effect of pulling up standards of business practice in certain countries, whilst greatly reducing the vulnerability of peripheral states. It would also do to Russia what they seek to do to all their customers - it would marginalise them.

But don't hold your breath on this one....

Apropos of nothing -Something from Kipling that I just might happen to empathise with...

The dark eleventh hour


Draws on and sees us sold

To every evil power

We fought against of old -

Rebellion, rapine, hate,

Oppression, wrong and greed

Are loosed to rule our fate

By England's art and deed.



The faith in which we stand,

The laws we made and guard,

Our honour, lives, and land

Are given for reward

To murder done by night

To treason taught by day,

To folly, sloth, and spite,

And we are thrust away.



The blood our fathers spilt,

Our love, our toils, our pains

Are counted us for guilt

And only bind our chains -

Before an Empire's eyes

The traitor claims his price.

What need of further lies?

We are the sacrifice.



We know the war prepared

On ever peaceful home

We know the hells prepared

For such as serve not Rome

The terror, threats, and bread

In market, hearth, and field -

We know, when all is said,

We perish if we yield.



Believe we dare not boast,

Believe we dare not fear:

We stand to pay the cost

In all that men hold dear.

What answer from the North?

One Law, One Land, One Throne!

If England drives us forth

We shall not fall alone.

Abandoning the Commonwealth...

Britain's leading position in international trade was built primarily on networks of private businesses. It was not until the 1930s that these began to be replaced by governmental networks. Traditional networks, and here we can include the Commonwealth, were erode during the 1950s and the 1960s. It was also at this time that we began to see the end of the London Docks as a major hub for global trade. Rotterdam has replaced London.

Politically, the tide also turned against the Commonwealth. The failed adventure in Suez in 1956, (which involved the invasion of a former Commonwealth state), brought into question Britain's position as a leading world power. Then when the Macmillan government ceased investing in traditional partnerships, and began to move towards Europe, the African dominions were largely abandoned economically and forced to develop new links and trading blocs.

Canada, which had the second largest economy in the Commonwealth, was already more closely tied with the US in economic terms. Australia, which tried to turn to London for much needed development aid after the Second World War had been refused and instead took a loan from the World Bank of $100 million in 1950. This was due to the inability of Britain to resume its place on the world stage as a major capital exporter. Efforts to persuade Britain to invest in other development projects met with little success - the money was simply not there - and so commonwealth states were forced to turn to the US. Canada had become a significant capital exporter, although its investments were mainly in the US. Britain's inability to supply capital was replaced by the 1960s with unwillingness. Britain was rapidly losing face, and the Commonwealth states were rapidly developing new networks.

Harold Wilson made some half-hearted attempts to restore the trade networks with the Commonwealth, but these were unsuccessful. When Macmillan began the process of applying for EEC membership, he was forced to scrap Commonwealth food preferences in favour of the Common Agricultural Policy. (Britain had promised that in negotiations with the EEC, Commonwealth food preferences would remain in place, but did not deliver on the promise). Nations that depended on exporting to the UK, such as New Zealand, were faced with losing their markets. In agricultural exports, as in finance, the Commonwealth states were forced to develop new networks.

Some minimal compensation was obtained for those countries that lost their markets when we did eventually join the EEC, and it is interesting to note that some of them, including New Zealand, are to be compensated for loss of trade as a result of Romanian and Bulgarian accession.


Does the Commonwealth need us?

Too often, when people talk about turning to the Commonwealth, they really mean 'English speaking white people'. When Nigel Farage, in answer to President Barroso's state of the union address today, spoke about the Commonwealth as our "Kith & Kin", I wonder exactly how he is related to the people of Rwanda, Pakistan, Nigeria, Lesotho, Tonga etc.

The Canadian economy is now largely integrated with that of the US, and the country is a member of NAFTA. Australia is emerging fast, and the Australia - Japan Free Trade Agreement is probably far more interesting to them than an attempted rapprochement with a tired and disoriented country on the other side of the world. Those who long for the days of the old Commonwealth are missing one vital fact - the partners we abandoned in the middle of the last century want to live in the future, not the past. They simply don't need us!

Collapse of the Eurozone?

A very interesting meeting today at which the possibility of the breakup of the Eurozone was discussed.

There are a number of factors, each rather serious, that have combined to make a crisis appear inevitible. Lack of agreement on the European Stabilisation Fund (ESF) that means it is still not operational, uncertainty even at this stage as to the size of the fund, the state of public´finances, and of European banks.

We learned that the 3 largest American banks have a combined debt equal to 35% of US GDP. The 3 largest French banks have a combined debt of 250% of GDP. France is also likely to see its triple A rating downgraded in coming weeks.

Across Europe the picture looks grim. Unemployment is rising in Belgium against a backdrop of a deficit of around 100% of GDP. Unemployment in Spain is at 22%.

No nation has ever recovered from such a crisis as Greece now faces without substantial devaluation of its currency. But Greece cannot do that, as it is in the Eurozone.

Hopes are being pinned on the issue of Eurobonds - but wait for this one - Eurobonds are illegal under German constitutional law, and so the economic driver cannot touch them. 80% of Germans now oppose Merkel's policies on supporting the Eurozone, and the Bundesbank is openly criticising the European central Bank and EU policy.

Four options appear to be open to the Eurozone. To sit back and take more of the same, fighting crisis after crisis until the money runs out. Greater political union. Exit of the weaker economies. Exit  of the stronger economies. There are more cons than pros to each of these options, and it is hard to see how any of them could overcome their inherent problems.

These are interesting times, and whichever way one looks at it, it is hard to see a way forward for the Eurozone.

Cartwright to the Rescue! The last thing a woman needs....

For a 6 year old boy, scrumping apples for the purpose of feeding goats is a bit of a hoot. And so yesterday George and I headed for the Maximillian Park, a city farm in the centre of Brussels.

When we arrived it was closing. This was 7 hours earlier than the advertised time, but in Brussels this is quite unremarkable. Nobody here can do a full day's work, which explains why the country is so poor. George was a bit disappointed, so we visited a shop where I bought him a lolly. This was a bit of an unusual lolly in that it came with a large pair of joke lips attached. I was thinking of getting one for myself, but instead I settled on a can of Saudi Arabian Vimto.

Leaving the shop, we passed the gates of the farm, and this is where it gets good. One would assume that before closing for the day the staff might actually check that there was nobody still on the premises. But remember - this is Brussels.

And so we found a distraught young woman and an equally distraught child trying to get out of the farm. We went to help.

You really have to see this from the perspective of the mother. She is trapped, with a girl who I would guess was about 4 years old, surrounded by goats and sheep, and it is starting to rain. All is lost - but wait - here comes help! At this moment, probably the last thing a lady in distress needs is a bloke in a lurid Hawaiian shirt and a Stetson hat, accompanied by a 6 year old Mick Jagger impersonator. At this point both mother and daughter began to weep.

We were able to give her the telephone number posted outside the farm for emergencies.She got through to a voicemail message that informed her that Jean-Luc would be on holiday until August 25th.

It is very important at such times not to laugh. Sadly I let the side down a bit at this point.

Then her family began to arrive.The lady, who I was starting to get rather fond of, appears to be descended from what I can only decribe as a line of pantomime Arabs. Only Peter Ustinov was missing from the cast now, and even George was starting to realise that we were living through moments that could never possibly have been planned better, and that were unlikely ever to be repeated.

Then the wailing started. To be fair it was not much of a wail, and it was only one lady, but to me it signified the pinnacle of a marvellous afternoon's entertainment. I suggested that it might be appropriate to call the police, at which point two shifty looking guys vanished at great speed.

Eventually George and I said goodbye to our friends. Fortunately the rain passed in minutes, and I hope they managed to escape. I may pass by later today just to see....

The Alternative Reality Party?

A study by the University of Cardiff has revealed that 82% of Britons are in favour of wind energy. The Danish island of Samsø takes 100% of its elecricity from wind power, and now exports energy to the mainland, and guess what - the lights don't go out when the wind stops blowing! Last year, wind generated elecricity in Spain peaked briefly at 52% of total national demand. UKIP, however, has a different take on all this. A few years ago an e-mail was circulated by a UKIP member stating that it takes a single wind turbine 2 years to generate enough electricity to boil a kettle. Most famously, a UKIP researcher once wrote that wind turbines adversely affect the rotation of the Earth.

UKIP is now in danger of becoming the 'Alternative Reality' party.

The party's Head of Policy is one Christopher Monckton, a man who has recently been chastised for pretending to be a member of the House of Lords. Prior to the Copenhagen conference he claimed to have seen a secret treaty that would be signed by world leaders handing over power to a new world government. That this failed to happen, is something he has yet to address. His testimony to the US Congress on climate change was greeted with derision, and he was again humiliated over his claim to be a member of the House of Lords.

On the day the eurosceptic MEP Derk-jan Eppink presented his excellent book 'Bonfire of Bureaucracy in Europe' in Brussels, UKIP MEPs were supporting the launch of a book about the Bilderburg group. Personally, I am not particularly worried about the activities of an NGO, but some seem to think that this group is planning world domination. Another one of those 'secret governments'?

Society needs dissent. Dissent is good for debate, and it is good for democratic integrity, as it keeps the centre ground fluid. A stagnant polity is vulnerable in terms of the strength of its democratic process. Dissenters come in two types - 'disclosers', who are there to challenge the system and ensure transparency, and 'contrarians', who serve little purpose at all. UKIP now falls into the latter category, with all received wisdom seemingly being rejected on no firm basis whatsoever. This is a great shame, as UKIP made a huge contribution by being the catalyst and rallying point for many thousands of people who felt that their voices were not being heard, or that their concerns about the EU were not being taken seriously. Good people who had grown disillusioned with the established parties got out onto the streets, delivered leaflets, challenged their MPs, and stood in elections they knew they could never win. The contribution of UKIP to British politics has been immense - that makes it even sadder to see what the party has now become.

A Belgian Bailout?

The Belgian parliament has been recalled to discuss the country's deepening financial crisis, and the Financial Services Authority (FSA) in the UK has asked British banks to give full details of their exposure to Belgian debt.

The Belgian stock market index has fallen to a two year low, and two weeks ago €7 billion was wiped off the value of shares in a single day. Dexia Bank reported a loss of € 4billion in the second quarter of this year, more than the bank is actually worth (3.2 billion).

Against this background, the Belgian government is uncertain as to who should draw up the budget for 2012!

The whispers are that Belgium will be seeking a bail-out before the end of the year.

A sad sight.....

In Rotherhithe, at Surrey Docks, we have a terrific little farm where kids can go and interact with the animals. They get to muck out stables, collect eggs, milk cows etc. There is a little café and a working blacksmith - its a great resource.

So I thought I would take George to Brussels' equivilant, the Maximillian Park, just by Yser metro station. It is not quite the same.

I'm not sure what educational benefit there is in having 3 sheep surrounded by an electric fence, and the donkeys looked somewhat distressed to me. One of the goats was a bit lively, and feeding it an apple we scrumped from a nearby tree was the sum total of the interaction that was possible.

Possibly the saddest sight of all was what I can only describe as a hump-backed rabbit. It was either crossbred with a camel, or it had a cyst on it's back that must account for 20% of it's body weight.

The staff all appeared bored and indifferent, and I suspect they may not have much training in the animal field.

Its not often I would say this, but I do agree with the legislation that decrees that the primary function of a zoo should be education. The Maximillian Park appears to offer some courses in the Summertime, but I am not sure how interesting they may be given the dilapidated state of the premises and the livestock. When this legislation first became binding, the future looked bleak for Battersea Park zoo, until donors stepped in and saved the day. Its a shame that in Brussels, where the legislation emanated from, they are not so quick to apply the same standards that are demanded of the other member states.

Brussels has a bad record when it comes to zoos. Park Leopold used to be the city zoo, and it is now chiefly remembered for the appalling treatment of its elephant. Antwerp zoo, however, is very good and always well worth a visit.

If you do visit Maximillian park, ignore the bit on the website about it being open until 10pm during the summer - we were asked to leave at 4.50 pm because they were closing.

100,000 signatures. Now we want our say!

At last, after a lot of hard work Nikki Sinclaire has amassed the 100,000 signatures that should prompt a debate on our continued membership of the EU in the House of Commons. Of course, Cameron is already trying to renege on his election promise, but that comes as no surprise to anybody. His 'Cast Iron Guarantee' of a referendum on the Lisbon treaty turned out to be nothing more than rhetoric - it appears that Mr Cameron's word is worth little - as he dropped that promise at the earliest opportunity.

So what does this mean?

Nikki also sponsored a YouGov poll at the weekend, in which 52% of respondents said that they would vote to leave the EU. There is clearly a lot of strong feeling about this, and the government is morally, if not legally, bound to heed the will of the majority. The 100,000 signatories do include a lot of UKIP members, but they also include those of other parties, including at least one senior Tory peer. Most of the signatories, however, signed up in the streets of towns and cities up and down the UK, online, or through the Sun, the Daily Mail, the Telegraph, or the many local newspapers that ran ads for the campaign.

The important thing now is not to allow the issue to be placed in a box. The establishment does have a convenient box, marked 'UKIP', in which it can deposit troublesome issues. Note how within the last week or so two issues have generated a great deal of debate - this referendum campaign and a similar one run by the Daily Express - and the HS2 high speed rail link. The UKIP leadership has never supported Nikki's campaign, and seems, according to a leaked e-mail from the leader's office, not to have a great deal of faith in referenda. UKIP also supported the idea of a high speed link in it's last manifesto. Now both issues are at the forefront, up to the plate comes Nigel Farage, who throws his 'weight' behind the Express campaign, and condemns HS2 without a thought for his own manifesto. Bingo - both issues are now consigned to the box marked 'UKIP', where they can be dismissed as peripheral.

We must not allow this to happen. This is the single most important political issue of the day. And here I am not actually referring to membership of the EU - as important as that is - but to the right of the people to expect that politicians will honour their pre-election promises. British politicians rightly criticised the EU for refusing to recognise the French, Dutch and Irish no votes on Nice, the Constitution, and Lisbon. It appears, however, that Mr Cameron has learned a lot from the Commission approach to democratic obligation.

The EU is, beleive it or not, struggling to get to grips with its own 'democratic deficit', and to address it, although it has some funny ways of going about it. In terms of democratic integrity it can never tick all the boxes and satisfy all its member states, as I would argue that it can never be a classical Liberal Democracy, which is the only form of democracy acceptable to we Brits. But while we criticise the EU, it is sad to note that our own country is slipping somewhat in its standards.

Let there be more petitions, lets keep piling them up on the Speaker's chair, and waving them outside the gates of Downing Street. Perhaps the British people are waking up at last!