Autumn leaves....

We are coming up to my favourite time of the year. I was lucky to live close to some spectacular parks in London. In Bayswater Kensington Gardens were just 1 minute from my front door, and when I lived in Connaught Square (before Blair moved in 4 doors away, I hasten to add) I was almost on top of Hyde Park. But as with most things, Bermondsey outshines the rest of London, and Southwark Park comes second only to St James Park as far as I am concerned. Autumn is the time to walk in the park - the reds and browns of the trees are even more spectacular than the blooming flowers.

And now I am going to say something positive about Brussels, for a change.

It is a city with many hidden features, one of which is a little ecological park - the Jean Felix Hap Park. It is on Chausee de Wavre, behind the white wall opposite the Brussels International Catholic School. Not a lot of people know about it, which is what makes it so perfect. This morning I was pleased to see the leaves turning red.

I'm very fond of this park. A few years ago I decided to add to my cv by taking a diploma in environmental policy. It was one of the most enjoyable subjects I ever studied, and Jean Felix Hap Park is where I tucked myself away with my textbooks during the summer months.

What particularly impresses me is the absolutely pristine condition of the park. If a plant wilts, the staff know about it instantly. It also boasts the source of Etterbeek's original freshwater source, and the small lake that still remains is superbly looked after.


http://www.opt.be/informations/tourist_attractions_etterbeek__jean_felix_hap_park/en/V/39602.html

Who said nostalgia ain't what it used to be?

There are a great many things I miss about London. One of these is the museum of childhood at Bethnal Green. If you were never there, then you must go, although for the sake of appearances it is best to take a child along. It is an outpost of the V&A, so you can imagine the standards. There is a good cafe, and the park & Bethnal Green library are just behind. If you cross the road to Paradise Row, you can see the home of Dan Mendoza, probably the greatest boxer of the 18th century. The benches in the little garden in Paradise Row are a great place to sit and watch the East End go by. I should be a tour guide...


There is a toy museum in Brussels, which is also worth a visit. I don't think it ever had a curator as such, as everything is just sort of spread out in a chaotic fashion. But then, maybe, thats the way a child would do it... 


It does of course have some typical Belgian touches, the first of which I discovered on the museum website, which announces that "We are open 366 days a year..."

This one is a wee bit off the tourist trail, but is located close to the city centre, near Metro Botanique, and is well worth a visit. A bit of advice - take a cold drink and a snack, as there is no cafe, although you can leave and go out for it and they will let you back in. Also, it has a shop which is the place to go for retro-style childrens toys. 

If anybody else has some tips on good toy museums elsewhere in Europe, please feel free to leave a comment :)


Bethnal Green:  http://www.vam.ac.uk/moc/
Brussels:  http://www.museedujouet.eu/index.php/jouet/gestpages/pageenglish

The Spiders Are Coming!

A number of US Army trucks have been stranded at the docks in Antwerp since August 14th. This is because they have been found to be infested with Black Widow spiders.

The Black Widow is unlikely to survive the Belgian climate, according to experts, but this is still alarming news indeed. They say all men have a feminine side to their character, and mine manifests itself in a complete terror of spiders. You can't trust anything that has its skeleton on the outside, as far as I am concerned.

So we are all in agreement. Me, the Yanks, and the dock workers all agree that these little bastards must be ruthlessly exterminated.

There is, however, a problem. A problem that could surely only arise in Belgium. The local authorities want to kill the spiders, but they cannot act until the Health Department produces the documents enabling them to do so. At the time of writing, they have been waiting for 2 weeks.

Waiting for a Belgian government department to produce documents. Hmmmm.... now there is a recurring experience.

Belgian road junctions...

Driving in Brussels, as anybody who has ever met me in a bar will know, is one of my pet hates.

I recently had another of those moments that can only happen in this city. It was at a road junction that only a Belgian urban planning commitee could come up with. 4 roads, 2 tramlines, and numerous hidden bus lanes all converge on one junction - and it is worth remembering that Belgians also place their pedestrian crossings on road junctions. It is hairy to say the least.

I had a green light, and so it was my turn to inch forward, head frantically turning from side to side  like a fighter pilot scanning the skies for enemy trolley-buses. Then the lady in front of me, riding a pushbike, stopped in the middle of the road. She then, to my astonishment, dismounted and proceeded to pull up her stockings. I yelled, politely, for her move her bleeding jacksy. She ignored me completely, taking her own sweet time adjusting her attire. In the meantime, the lights had changed, and the floodgates opened, with me stuck in the epicentre of the junction. From every direction all manner of vehicles, public and private, hurtled towards me hooting, flashing, and wildly gesticulating at me.

Belgium's answer to Nora Batty calmly got back on her bike and rode to the pavement as if nothing had happened. It was not a nice experience.

Spot the flaw in Belgium's new public health strategy.

Belgium's Federal Public Health Ministry has announced a cunning new plan to improve public health. They are going to sterilise all the cats. They plan to have "most cats" sterilised by 2016, according to the newspaper "Flanders today", (which rather sensibly is printed in English).

They will start with cats in shelters, and then roll the plan out. This is where, in true Belgian fashion, they introduce a major flaw into the strategy.

Cat breeders are going to have to sterilise their cats.

I guess this means that after 2016, cats breeders will have to retrain, and Belgium will become a net importer of kittens.

On the other hand, if the cats are sterile, then the breeders won't have to do much work - which is just the way that Belgians like it!

Spaced Out

Its an old adage that if one walks across Grand Place at 4am, when it is totally deserted, and then stands still, a Belgian will walk into you within a second. Belgians have absolutely no concept of personal space at all.

This afternoon, I decided to have a bar of chocolate from a vending machine in the parliament. The place is pretty empty right now, so as I approached along the shopping mall like ground floor, with its banks, hardresser, dry cleaner, newsagent and permanently closed post office, there was just me and a Belgian. I knew he was Belgian, because of the funny tuft of hair growing from just under his lower lip. Its very popular over here. The 3-piece cordrouy suit was also a bit of a giveaway. I sensed that he would walk behind me, and then want to use the same vending machine as me, at the same time. I was right!

I stood back to let him go first. Instantly, 2 more appeared, like characters from Shaun of the Dead, and a pantomime began. Together, they all tried to work out how to use the machine. I sat down to watch, sensing that this might be entertaining. How many different ways, I wondered, can they fail to put 60 cents into a slot to by a mars bar?

After 5 minutes, and much jangling of coins and banging on the glass, they all left, shrugging at each other. I decided to try my luck. The vending machine that worked perfectly well yesterday is now well and truly bolloxed.

A truly Belgian experience!

Belgium has its own chain of fast food restaurants, rather oddly named "Quick".

"Slow" might be more appropriate. "Incompetant and gungy" might be even better, although perhaps simply "Belgian" might give the customer an indication of what to expect.

I visited, for the third (and certainly last) time today their store at 329 Route de Phillippevile, Couillet. Its just outside Charleroi, where the airport is.

It opens at 10am. The first time I visited (at 10:05) a couple of years ago, the staff where all having a smoke in the kitchen, and would not speak to me. After 5 minutes I gave up and left. The second time I visited, I got served but  my fries were cold, and the box contained the wrong burger. Today, The fries were, as expected, cold, and I was told to wait 5 minutes for my burger. After 10 minutes, and after barging past a queue, I eventually got my burger. I didn't enjoy it very much. This is absolutely normal, and the biggest queue of people in any Belgian burger bar is the one of people holding a tray of fries and soft drink, waiting for their burgers

I was stranded in Thionville in France once, because of snow. Leaving my "motel" I tried to find food. I found a Quick. The sign on the door advised me of the opening time,  but 10 minutes later the doors were still locked. They opened 15 minutes after my arrival - 25 minutes after the stated opening time. They were not, however, selling any food at all, and in fact the girl who was taking my order was unable to explain what they did actually have to offer.

Another Belgian burger anecdote: A teenager of my aquaintance ordered some food at a McDonalds outlet, and of course the burger was not ready. "It will be 5 minutes", he was told.

After 10 minutes, and in the Belge tradition, he went in search of his burger, and the following conversation took place...

Teenager "Can I have my burger now, please?"

Staff  "Its not my problem, I didn't take your order. Who did?" 

Teenager "I can't see her"

Staff  "What was her name?"

Teenager "I don't know..." 

Staff  "Then you are stupid, aren't you?"

Teenager "You call me stupid, but its you that ended up working in a burger bar!"

I will end with another Quick story. It was a Sunday afternoon another Quick store in Brussels. Someone had spilled a trail of soft drink across the width of the restaurant. A staff member spent about 10 minutes folding tissues and laying them in a long line along the length of the spill. I wondered why she didn't use the mop standing in a bucket behind the till...


Burger King deserve a mention too, of course!  
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10699456

Lunchtime with Andrea Bocelli

Today was special.

This lunchtime, in the European Parliament, we had a presentation by the office of the Mayor of Rome. It was no ordinary presentation.... after a screening of a short film by Franco Zaferreli, we were honoured with a recital by Andrea Bocelli. Really - Bocelli, in the flesh, and as brilliant as you could ever imagine.

I even forgot about my anger at having my pocket picked by scumbags (4th time - same scumbags) yesterday.

I saw some impressive performances in my time - I was personally honoured to be able to arrange a concert in the Parliament myself last year, by the superb Ukrainian pianist Dmytro Sukhovienko ( http://www.cartwright.eu.com/node/24  ) - but this was the first time I saw Bocelli. Absolutely superb!

WW1 project - a worthy endeavour from VRT

I had dinner with a Belgian policeman a little while ago - he is a nice guy, and it was very interesting. The Belgian plod are generally very good, and they do concentrate on dealing with crime, unlike the British police who seem to exist for the sole purposes of policing bus lanes, and harrassing drivers on motorways. (Having said that, I was actually threatened with arrest for jaywalking in Brussels a couple of months ago. The fact that I could not stop laughing at being chastised by a policeman clutching 2 bags of groceries, and the stupidity of having to wait for a green man at a time when there was no traffic on the road, probably did not weigh in my favour. But I got away with a warning.)

My policeman chum was bit cynical about my knowledge of Flanders, and was trying to wind me up, albeit in a friendly way. "I bet you never heard of Flanders until you came here.." he suggested. I assured him that I had, but he didn't really believe me. "I know about England, but what do you know about Flanders?" he asked with a sneer.

The British resolve slipped a tad at this point...

"My Great-Grandfather is buried in Flanders" I told him. "Unlike some I could mention, he fought and died for Belgium, and it wasn't even his country"

It was the ultimate  shut the f*ck up moment.

Although they didn't really take part in it themselves, the Belgians are very respectful about the victims of the Great War - probably more so than younger generations of Brits are. The Belgian broadcaster VRT is running an interesting project, and I think it might be worth bookmarking and following, as it provides the opportunity for folk with first-hand experiences to post thier thoughts. There will be sadly few of those, but I suspect they will be fascinating, and worth preserving.

Find it here....

http://www.deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.english/GreatWar/091103_intro_to_VRT%2Bproject

Hail to Global Warming!

It hit 37 degrees in Brussels yesterday. Then in the evening we were treated to a truly spectacular event.... rain so heavy that it looked like fog - visibility was about 6 feet, and that is no exaggeration. Then the hail storm began, accompanied by thunder and lightning - it was marvellous!

My work brings me into contact with about half the world's climate change deniers. These are largely poorly informed people who collectively regurgitate the same few dodgy interpretations of "evidence" over and over again. "Global warming must be a lie - this chart I found on the internet shows clearly that Chipping Norton had its coldest afternoon ever on April 5th 2008" is the sort of nonsense we get to hear. Again, and again, and again...

I never once met a denier who had any kind of academic background in the subject. Funny that...

Environmentalism is not my main subject, although I did go back to Uni not so long ago to study international environmental policy. I found that every committee in the European Parliament has to factor environmental concerns into its policy-making processes, and I needed to gain a greater understanding of the subject. I also discovered very quickly that it is a fascinating and rewarding subject to study. One of the basics of environmental science is that rising temperatures lead to increased precipitation. Its a fact that is almost as absolute as the existence of gravity, and it explains why we are experiencing so many extreme weather events at the moment.

It also explains last night's mid-July hailstorm. Armageddon, it seems, will be spectacular!

Belgium: you have to love it (or the police will be round).

For almost 2 weeks there has been some construction work taking place outside the European Parliament. A stage is being constructed for a concert tonight, which will celebrate the start of the Belgian Presidency of the EU.

!.2 million euros is being spent on this. About 3 miles away, Boulevard General Jaques, a main arterial route, is closed off. The road, you see, has collapsed into the sewers. This is not uncommon in Brussels. The roads are pot-holed and inadequate, but Belgium is teetering on the verge of national bankruptcy with its defecit now approaching 100% of GDP. But there is always money available for the state to tell the people how good everything is, and so that is why we have a concert.

The local businesses are not best pleased about this.

Place de Luxembourg, outside the Parliament, is the centre of social life in the district. It is particularly busy at this time because of the World Cup, which draws customers to the bars.

On Wednesday, the 10 bar owners in "The Square", as it is known, received instructions to clear their terraces of tables and chairs for the day. This is a mammoth task, as most tables are outside. They are also under orders not to have any television screens visible from the street, lest they distract the revellers at this expensive "Isn't Belgium Great" spectacle.

One owner told me that he will have to lay off 6 waiting staff tonight - all students who probably need the money. Non-compliance with this order will result in "police action".

There will be trapeze artists, a light show, dancers, and fireworks.

Amusingly, it is pouring in Brussels as I write, and the forecast is for more of the same.

Such a pity!

The 9:15 to Bedlam

What is it about being in Brussels that makes people act so stupidly? Almost every day I see something that amazes me, and today is no exception. I note that a sign has appeared on the front door of the European Parliament effectively explaining to people that it is not a train station. Is that an easy mistake to make? I don't think so.

I can't imagine anybody entering central lobby at Westminster and asking where they can get a train to Ipswich, for example. Here is a picture of the European Parliament - does it like like a train station?

Apparently the mistake is made often enough here for the apparatchiks to feel the need to put up a sign about it.

There must be something in the water, I guess.